In spite of the feelings of uncertainity, questioning whether this kind of style is appropriate for the opening session of the Further Mathematics course, especially in such conservative environment, I was very happy I took a risk and did not back off although there was a chance, that it does not have to work out. Two of my former students who came to see me this week told me: „You will see, they will like it. The only thing I am sorry about is, that you were not with us the last year and you left after our grade 11,“ said Fionee. „Because in 30 minutes we are talking with you, you provided for my mind so much inspiration, whih I have not felt maybe even half a year. “ 

They were right… It was fantastic. I felt like Martina Moravcova (Slovak national swimmer who got several gold medals at the Olympics) going for a swim first time afer the maternity leave. It was a feeling of refreshment and it did feel amazing how my mind is being formed and as a side effect I am forming the minds of my students, but also the other way around. By forming their minds, how my mind is being shaped. It was a fantastic feeling and I was already so curious for our first real math tutorials…

On Thursday I have an empty schedule, that means I do not teach any classes and so can utilize my time to prep properly and in details. During the last period I was supposed to help to one of my students with some question, since he also has a self-study at that time. But what could be a 20 minutes help, became 2.5 hours talk, because this young gentleman wants to study mathematics with philosophy at Oxford. Ideal candidate for a talk ☺ That is why I have no idea how, but suddenly it was 5:30 pm, although I had a feeling, that we talked for 30 minutes. When he was leaving my room, he bowed and told me: “It was very enriching to talk with you. Thank you.” I have smiled gently and told him: „The pleasure is on my side, Gary. It was very enriching and refreshing for me as well. Thank you.“

On Friday, I finally had several tutorials and classes in a row. I was very excited after our first informal meeting in Further Mathematics and I was ready to enjoy it. Although I have slept only 6 hours, I woke up full of energy before the alarm. I have meditated a bit, then went to take a shower. I felt an incredible avalanche of energy, of excitement. When I have heard old song from my childhood being played in an online radio, I had to dance and jump out of joy ☺

In school I just waited patiently for the third period and the end of the day, being curious how it will all work out. Whether the minds are opened and ready for the new knowledge, and not only a mathematical one. Whether the energies will not be blocked. Whether there are a few students, who understood my message and they will communicate openly, naturally, with no fear and blockages, and so will show to others that this is the natural form of gaining the knowledge – within communication, dialogue, sharing and asking, and not passively receiving the heard. Observing, questioning, contemplating, reasoning and reflecting upon…

And it was great. I was so happy to feel that it is going to be pleasant to teach these guys. Two students who did not have me on their schedule even came to ask me, whether they could join my class. One of them knew about me from his cousin, who was in my group two years ago. The second one read about me on Chinese website, where students describe their experience with education in other than local schools. And he told me: “Although I do not have you on my schedule, I do not mind not having the class officially on the transcript, I just want to be in your group and learn from you…” And since I had two extra seats still available, I have agreed under the conditions, that if I see they are not working or can not cope with the material, they will need to reconsider and possible leave the group.

After the last lesson, several students stayed with me; they wanted to clarify some things, I wanted to know how to say a Fractal and a Prime number in Chinese and so we were mutually enriching ourselves. Alan, one of those 18 years old left and he came back again, when I was already alone. He was smiling saying he just wants to talk with me. And so, we were talking more than one hour about what we do consider important; about how we sometimes get stuck in the irrational patterns of our thoughts although we know they do not make us happy. About how extremely deliberating it is, when we stop to judge others and to judge ourselves through the view of others, and how light we can feel, when we just accept things and we bounce from there forward. Not by accepting something ugly, that we are able to change. But by accepting things which we are not able to change. Even if our decision is seen as a mistake bringing us the pain, using the opportunity to bath in it and then step back, look at the things from above, from a new perspective and try to see the relations, connections. That is the skill which mathematics can help us to master. Embrace the chance of grow in knowledge, but also pain or loneliness, separation, which this or that situation brought to us. Because only by acepting we can continue the Journey filled with peace.

Alan knew from my ex-students about my long-distance walks in Spain and in Slovakian mountains. He was very interested and said, he wants to experience something similar… “I know I can learn a lot from you Richard and I am so thankful to God we have met…,” he added as he was leaving the room. 

And then there was Charles who stopped by. “I can not wait to get into the deeper levels / topics of mathematics, Richard,” he started. I smiled, saying: “Can you just get some Life, man? ☺” He smiled back and told me: “You know, for me doing math is like having a second Life. Maybe I am not a genius, I am not even the best, but Math contains somehow appealing miracle, which I can not properly describe.” “Hmm, that is true,” I agreed. “Charles, sometimes I do think, that we see, experience or feel things, which we know are true and real, but we do not have a capacity of words, or we dont have the right words or tools to express exactly what this or that thing is bringing to our mind. I believe, mathematics is one of such areas.”

“I feel the same Richard. I have read somewhere a nice quote: Music expresses that which can not be put into words and which cannot remain silent. I believe mathematics is the same in this aspect. It is like nature, like Life alone, except music expresses it clearly by different form or method.”

As he was leaving, he stopped and said: “Richard, I have always dreamt to become someone like you. But I thought, it is just a dream, that these kinds of people do not exist. But now I see, they do; and I want to be like you, I want to be one of them. Because I see, that despite problems you encounter, you are able to perceive the beauty of Life and existence. I want to learn a lot from you, and I am happy I am in your group.” 

The wings of Butterflies inside of me were shaking by joy and fulfillment. I have smiled and replied: “We have the whole year, so that I can help you to become the best version of you, which you are dreaming about. And we have the whole year to share the beauty of mathematics, music and Life.”

After the last student has left my class, I have stayed sitting in the quiet of the room and contemplated a bit. I was thinking about everything. Meaning. Purpose. Opportunities. Blessings. Fulfillment. What I have learned in the past 12 years. I will not postpone sharing with the students while hoping they will slowly open up. That as time progresses, they will find out how I mean it and feel it. This year, especially after one-year long break, I have decided to risk and do not wait as I did during my first year in China. Back then it took more than two months for youngsters to open up. I have decided not to waste the time, because exactly during the last year I have felt, how precious our time is, how little of it we have and how much more we would want. But simply, in this we do not have the last say. So, what to wait for? I have decided to show my cards, place them right next to the naked beating heart. Fragile, and by one move of the hand easily pushed off the table falling on the floor. But that risk, it seems, was worth it, since only after two tutorials and the first week I have got the same feedback as many of my ex-students have given me before at the moments when we have been saying good-bye or when we met after years. As Sophie did with Fionee: “I do value and appreciate you Richard the most, not only because of your excellent teaching, but because of how you guide us on the way of acquiring the skills that go much further beyond math syllabi requirements. Not only that you have valuable experience and perspectives on Life, from which your students can learn and benefit, but you are sharing them openly and with Love,” said Fionee. “And that is why we, your students do not see you only as an excellent teacher, but also as a great, reliable friend I have been happy, that I could be your student, because you have become a teacher of my Life,” added Sophie.

So that was my first week and now it was behind me. I have felt like coming to Heaven, fascinated and incredibly thankful. I have felt so alive, truly loving my Life, with all pluses and minuses; I know it always has many different sides; I know that in certain aspects I do not look at it as majority, but in spite of that I do truly and extremely value it. I love its fullness, its colors and smiles of my students, a chance to be there, learn from them while I am teaching them… It is like an orgasm of a Spirit, when Soul is screaming, “Yes! That is it.” A one can only wish that this feeling was eternal, bathing in it fully immersed. I have been thrilled and incredibly happy I am here. Absolutely in contrast with the feelings of confusion that I had three days after my arrival back to this tiny Chinese village.

I am aware that these thrilling feelings are not eternal. That as time progresses, they will fall to the backside of our minds and we will need to get them again. It is a never-ending story, and it is good that way. This – facing and overcoming new challenges and new tasks – moves us forward. But if at least once we can experience the beauty and feel the gentleness of touching our purpose, we will always desire to go back to that moment and to experience that feeling again. That is why, when we stop feeling the fulfillment, meaning and joy, we should set out for the new pilgrimage and new journey in hope, that we can reach those delightful feelings once again…

(RB, 23. 8. 2018; Nansha, Guangdong, China)